Thursday, January 13, 2011

Happy New Year?

Checked off the life list in 2010:

-race in a triathlon
-go whale watching
-sing at kareoke
-go to law school

I am a resolution maker.  I find something cleansing and invigorating about starting fresh.  But this past year clings to me like a dead weight.  For some reason 2010 felt so challenging to me.  It still feels challenging, like I'm trying to shake off the phantoms of a year that didn't go quite the way I wanted it to.

For one thing, looking back at my life list check marks for 2010... there just weren't that many.  And some of you will say, but you're going to law school.  And, yeah, that's big, and maybe if I enjoyed it more, I would feel some sort of accomplishment in it.  But right now it's an everyday struggle to remember why I'm going in the first place.  So it's more ho hum than wa hoo.  And I want to hold out hope for a better semester, a better year; but it's tough when a wallow in the mud of self pity feels so much better than picking myself up by my bootstraps.

Carrie and Trish say that it was the tumultuous year of the Tiger that has us all feeling just that little bit off kilter.  I want to believe that, if only push away my own responsibility in not trying hard enough.