Dear UPS,
I understand that you are attempting to deliver a package to my place of residence. Unfortunately all of your efforts will be in vain considering that my workday, including commute, lasts from 8:30AM until 7:30PM. And because you choose not to deliver on Saturdays, or to leave a package unsigned for or with a neighbor; I fear you may not be able to fulfill the task that was assigned to you.
It is also my understanding that I could collect my parcel at your warehouse, but as your warehouse is in the industrial district, south of downtown, I do not foresee myself attempting a 3-hour bus ride to pick up a package for which you were paid to deliver to me. Perhaps I could be tempted to journey to the industrial district, south of downtown, if you would agree to pay me the cost of the shipping, because really wouldn't that mean that I am doing the job that you were paid to do. However, because I doubt you will agree to this, I will have you deliver it to a different address; an address that I will actually be at between the short hours that you operate your mail delivery service.
Incidentally as I completed the form to have you redirect my package to my place of work, I discovered that you would be requesting an additional 4 dollars. Correct me if I am wrong, but you are asking for 4 dollars on top of the shipping charge you have already been compensated for? So really it's as if you have been paid twice for something that thus far you have failed to accomplish once.
In closing, I think you may need to re-evaluate your business model, and oh yeah...you suck.
Sincerely,
Erin Ball
