Me: I just wanted to let you know that I got into law school.
My Boss: Oh, wow! So, this fall?
My Boss: Bummer...congratulations, but bummer.
Me: My cats destroyed a bag of popcorn seeds this weekend. There was popcorn everywhere!
Jon: My God! Your cats need jobs! Clearly they're just bored, they really need to do something with their lives.
Me (singing): "Wilco, Wilco!"...those are the only words I know.
Jason: But this isn't that song.
Me: I'm sorry, do you want me to stop?
Jason: No, I just didn't want you to think you were singing along.