Meowy Christmas

I bought my cats their Christmas presents 2 weeks ago. New collars for both(because Opal broke hers); these catnip, ball-shaped things called "pawbreakers"; and a mouse on a string with a feather replacement. I had all of their things in a plastic bag inside my bookbag. When I woke up the next day they had pulled the plastic bag out of the bookbag, ripped a hole in it, and strewn their presents all over the house. Brody had left teeth marks in all the plastic packaging and it was too late to pry the "pawbreaker" out of Opal's clutches. Everything else went immediately into a dresser drawer. I debated not giving them their presents at all, something I vaguely remember my mom doing when I had found my Christmas present early. But then I thought it wouldn't be fair for me to accept what the cats got me, Harry Potter 6 on DVD!!!


Last Wednesday I couldn't wait any longer, I had to give them their presents if only to allow me to watch my movie. Opal looks particularly fetching in her new metallic silver collar. The second "pawbreaker" was kind of a bust seeing as they had been playing with the other one since Saturday. The mouse on a string was the real hit. Brody went insane over it. Running back and forth and back and forth. Leaping and climbing, jumping and spinning in mid air. Diving and somersaulting and stopping on a dime. At one point he was running horizontally along the back of the couch. He was out of his mind for that stupid mouse!

And then he just stopped. And stood there. And started breathing really heavy, and twitching his tail. At first I thought he was mad because Opal was trying to play too. But then he laid in the corner on his side and wouldn't stop breathing so quickly. He got this glazed look on his face and wouldn't move. I poked him but he was all limp. And when I picked him up, he dangled like a sack of potatoes, and on the floor where he had been...poop! POOP! He went over in the corner, laid down, and pooped! But definitely not normal intentional pooping, he never goes outside the box. I thought something was terribly wrong. So, I took him to the litter box and pointed him at it but he wouldn't go in. He went over to a corner again and this time pooped standing up. It's like he couldn't stop himself, not even to get in the box. When he was done he tried to run away, in shame I think, but I stopped him and he was still breathing heavy. I was pretty freaked out at this point so I brought him to his bed and just sat there petting him. He eventually started purring and 2 minutes later he was fine. I swear to you all, he pooed because of that toy. He was so excited, he actually shit himself. Hand to God.

Also in the realm of cat stories... I forgot to pick up cat food at the store before Christmas and the cats were hungry. So I thought to tide them over I would make some scrambled eggs. That's what one feeds sick animals, I figured it would be fine for them. Of course they wouldn't eat it. So I thought, they drink my cereal milk, I'll give them some milk. I had heard that cats are lactose intolerant, but my cats seem to stomach it fine. Turns out they are lactose intolerant, as evidence by the several puddles of vomit around the house a few minutes later. Poor babies, at least they weren't hungry anymore...