Saturday, May 15, 2010


I know it's just jitters, but I don't want to go to law school. This morning I think the truth really hit me for the first time. It's Saturday, and I woke up at 8AM, and couldn't go back to sleep. If you know me at all you must know this is practically unheard of. If there is anything I do well, it's sleeping in, but I couldn't. I tossed and turned, thinking about how soon my summer class will start. One month from Monday. One month. I am running out of time to enjoy all the things I'm able to do without worrying about tests and homework and grades. And what about all the things I wanted to get done before the first day of school? So I got my nervous self out of bed and went for an hour-long walk. It worked to stave off the panic for awhile, but now I'm back at it.

A big part of my reticence about school is in leaving behind Third Place Books. I know it's not often that people find something they love to do. And while, of course there are days where I want to scream and burn the place down; I count myself lucky that those days are few and far between. On the whole, I am genuinely happy at work. And things are going really well right now. I love all my new responsibilities, and I feel like I've hit a creative stride that's been transferring into my personal life. Leaving that sense of security will be hard, but I'm mostly afraid that leaving will mean saying goodbye to all the fabulous people I've met. After moving to a city where I only knew two people; this bookstore and my lovely, kind, hilarious co-workers, feel like home. I don't want to start all over again. I feel like I just did this.

So there it is. I'm incredibly nervous, and while everyone keeps telling me to 'calm down,' 'don't be nervous,' 'this is a great time in your life!'; I will continue to be nervous until I set foot in that classroom and finally get this interminable waiting game over with.