Thursday, February 26, 2009

Story Time

video
Kim found me this damaged copy of Cat by Matthew Van Fleet. Now it's even more damaged.

ps: sorry it's so dark...not sure what's wrong with my camera...or it could be that I live in a dungeon.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Current Evil Plan

I hate public displays of affection. I'm not talking holding hands, a little kiss or even a little cuddling. I'm talking, tongue down throat, legs wrapped around waist, get a room, public displays of affection. There is a couple that waits at my bus stop. Every Saturday morning it's the same thing. Groping and all manner of disgustingness. And I feel embarrassed because I have to look away. The only thing worse are the customers who come up to the cash registers and can't keep their hands off each other. I have nowhere else to look, they're right in front of me. I have always been squeamish about PDAs; felt like a creepy voyeur, embarrassed and apologetic. Well, no more! If you can't keep your bedroom stuff out of my public space, tough! I am going to stare. That's right, STARE! That's what you want, right? I already feel creepy for being subjected to your PDA, now you can feel unsettled by the creepy person watching you. And if you say, "Stop staring!" I will say, "Stop making out in front of me." And if you say, "Take a picture!" I will say, "Get a room." With any luck I will drive the PDAers from my life altogether! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Day 3 of 100 Push-Ups

Why do my abs hurt so much?

Stand By Your Man

Remember how excited we were a month ago. This cartoon reminded me, and then made me feel naive and innocent and much too much too idealistic...nope, still excited! Nothing can drag me off the Obama train! Even all you people out there who are abandoning the train, hating, if you will. Where are your slogans now? How 'bout your t-shirts, and '08 election signs. Remember when you were searching eBay looking for the Hope poster. Well, I remember! You couldn't get enough Barack. And now look at you. Too cowardly to stand by your man in the face of a much more uncertain future than previously suspected. Well, suck it up! It's tough out there, this is no time to abandon the Chosen One! Why don't you just take a little gander at this cartoon and think back to what you were doing on Inauguration Morning and stop trying to make me feel bad for still having hope.

Friday, February 20, 2009

It Happened Last Night

Sometimes the Seattle vibe is just too much for me. We get it, you live in Seattle, you're so cool, oh you like wine, that makes you cool too...news flash, I live here, I like wine, but do I act like an elitist pig...no.

So I went to a wine tasting last night with Carrie, Becca and Trish. It was at this cute little wine/yummy shop on Greenwood. We did arrive late, so when we got there, everyone was already enjoying their 1st pour and some snackies. We paid, and went into a corner, and this is where it gets interesting.

As I was taking off my coat, in what apparently was a very flailing like way, Trish walked behind me, I somehow hit her arm from below causing her to simultaneously drop her glass and throw most of the wine in her face. Oh my God, I was mortified. But it gets better. As Trish was trying to find napkins to get the wine out of her eyes and thus prevent blinding, nobody would move, or help her, or even hand her napkins. What the Hell? And in the stunned silence that follows any loud noise, I heard someone say, "They must already be drinking." And someone else say "Looks like they came from across the street." (where there is another bar) Someone in our group asked Trish about glass in her eyes, and everyone just sat there. I was mortified by the initial commotion, but then really embarrassed by people thinking we were already drunk. I say again, What the Hell?

Here are some pointers for if you find yourself in a similar situation where non-drunk people have had an accident...
-if someone has wine in their eyes, move out of the way.
-better yet, hand them a napkin.
-if there is a question of glass in the eyes, try having a little compassion, not snide remarks.
-as for snide remarks, either keep them to yourself, or whisper...the wine was in her eyes not her ears you a-holes.
-don't look at the people as if they are martians, what, you've never dropped something in your life?
-don't hog the cheese plate, what you're better than us cause you're not covered in wine?
-don't wear so much make-up (gray sweater girl) it doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like Joan Rivers.
-don't sit there and make moony eyes at the wine guy. He saw the way you acted towards the wine-soaked cute girls. He doesn't think you're nice or cute (again the make-up) He thinks you're mean and jealous because the wine-covered girls are so much cuter than you.

Okay, so maybe the last few tips stem from my animosity. I was just so surprised. I've never felt so unwelcome in my life. All because of a little accident. That said, the guys working there were very nice, but I won't go back if I see gray-sweater, spackle-make-up girl and her cronies there.

Day 2 of 100 Push-Ups

Ow.

What?

Does this seem racist to anyone else? Wow. I'm not even sure how to take this cartoon printed in the New York Post on Wednesday. One thing does seem clear...New York Post owner Rupert Murdoch...still an ass.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Boycott Alert!

I've had a couple of beefs with Stephen King recently. For one thing, he publicly blasted Stephenie Meyer, saying she, "can't write worth a damn." Now you all know I read the Twilight books. I enjoyed them, and I will admit that the writing is mediocre at best, and the message is appalling. But really Stephen King. Really! You're going to judge someone on their writing capabilities, really? What a douche bag. Here's the original article if you're so inclined

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/booksmags/bal-al.bk.read15feb15,0,3335694.story

Moving on to beef number two. Stephen King has written a novel exclusively for Kindle aka Amazon. For those of you who don't know, Kindle is the "wireless" reading device sold by Amazon, it's like an Ipod for the bookishly inclined. There are a couple of issues with Kindle. A "wireless" reading device? When was the last time a book had wires?! Also, apparently the books that you buy on Kindle are not yours forever. After a certain period time the books are erased form your "wireless" reading device. So buy your books at a local bookstore and own them forever, or buy them from Kindle/Amazon and own them for as long as the next American Idol season lasts.
All that aside...Stephen King has written a novel for Kindle. This novel will not be available in bookstores. So the hard-core King fans, will have to buy a Kindle, and will subsequently buy all their books from Kindle. How on Earth does someone, or his publicist, justify the screwing of all the stores that have provided his livelihood for the last 30 years? Curious indeed.
Some of my coworkers thoughts after hearing the Kindle news...
"Stephen King is an ass."
"I hope he gets hit by another car."

My sentiments exactly.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Great News Everybody!


So I quit soda because of all the scary corn syrup. One thing that was getting me through it was Izze. Which is this amazing juice and sparkling water drink. It's super great and I love it, but sometimes I need that acidy cola feeling.



Well, my co-worker Chris told me that Mexican Coke is made with real sugar. And then today at work, I was at the bakery, and they have...that's right...MEXICAN COKE! Yay!

I'm Gonna Be So Freaking Buff


Let's all do it together! Along with my half hour of juggling per day, and walking to one extra bus stop every day, I'm gonna be ready for my Cher Party in no time!

Absolutely the Best Video Ever!

You must listen with sound, but pretty loud so you can hear it over your laughter...

I wish I was her friend.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Greatest Movie Ever

Just watched Lars and the Real Girl. Cried so much my throat hurt. It is ah-mazing. Ryan Gosling is wonderful, and I love Patricia Clarkson. An offbeat story about a lonely, socially paralyzed man trying to fit in the only way he knows how. Wonderful. Best quote...

"Sometimes I get so lonely I forget what day it is and how to spell my name."

I demand that everyone see it.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Poem about being Sad

I miss Tucson.
Arizona.
I miss the warm and dry. I miss the light, the sun.
I miss home.
Tortillas and Eegees.
Gunshots sounding in the night and the mournful sound of the train. Even from miles away you could hear it. Here, the hills and fog blot out the howl of train whistles.
I miss Opal, how she used to be. She's different here. Jodi would say that she's a mirror of me. Maybe she is, she's not happy because I'm not happy.
I miss the things I loved there. Running around Reid park, I forget now how much I complained.
Antigone. I miss so much. A family and friends and work and meaning.
I miss Jodi and Andrea. O Town and Molly and Bailey and Bachus.
Veronica and Matt and Ana.
People who knew me.
I miss my family, terribly,
and the families I created.
I miss the me that used to be, the me that belonged, the me that mattered.
Jilly, Jawahir, Hawo, Noehmi, Rashid, Jorge.
Everything is different and changing, but somehow not me.
I cannot let go of everything I was.
I feel not myself,
I forget myself.
No one knows me who knew me then.
Here, I am blank and new.
I miss the me there,
the me that was full and old.
I miss my friends that even when I was there were gone.
Erin, Tami, Carrie, Arianne, Nikki.
I miss what everything used to be.
Before.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Minor Incidents

Things that brought me joy this weekend...

-I got 2 pizza bagels in the Day-Olds

-Jon shared his chocolate milk again

-I gave Jon a Snickers when he wouldn't eat my extra pizza bagel

-Two paper bags equals one plastic bag

-The trash compactors at work are called...wait for it..."Cram-a-Lot"s...YAY!

-A little boy in a bow tie asked for a book and then sat like an angel reading it for 15 minutes

-I saw a Red-Tailed hawk

-While looking up Red-Tailed Hawks, I found a bird called a Bushtit, which made me giggle

-While talking to Eric about my new-found fear of corn, he mentioned corn waiting in a dark alley ready to attack me and I came up with the delightful pun..."the corn is 'stalk'ing me!"

-We got in a new book called The Purity Test, which I took and found out I am 62% pure, much less pure than I thought.

-Carrie knows me a lot better than previously suspected, or perhaps I am simply more transparent than I thought.

-Saw this awesome video on Jon's blog, which you all should see, and you must watch the second "translation" video
http://jonbrock.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-had-slow-news-weekend.html

Friday, February 6, 2009

POP corn


I just saw the movie King Corn. And now I am frightened of corn. It's everywhere! I gave up soda because of the corn syrup, but I discovered it's in my chocolate milk, my cereal, my bread, even my half and half. Half and half?! It's half milk half cream! It's in the name! It's not "Half and Half and Corn Syrup". Just Half and Half! AGGGGHHHHHH! According to the movie, our generation will be the first that will not outlive our parents...because of corn. Beware, there's probably corn in your lettuce!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Water Fowl




I've been here almost a year now, but I'm still so surprised whenever I see a seagull

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Why Cats are not Conducive to Being Sick

A chronological time line...

Monday
7:00PM: Stumble into apartment after a 2 hour, nausea-inducing, bus ride home from work. Cats are excited, won't get out of the way, incessant meowing hurting already hurting head.

7:05PM: Still meowing, running around like crazy, are obviously excited to see me home so early, trip me as I try to get into pajamas. (and when I say meowing, there is little I can do to describe the piercing, whining quality of said meows)

7:08PM: Meowing, cats not understanding why I am in bed so early, chasing each other on and off the bed, running over me.

7:15PM: Opal playing with ball, bringing onto bed and dropping it on my back. Not deterred by my lack of movement, she begins swatting and batting it around my feet.

9:05PM: Woken from fitful sleep sweating, blankets thrown off but Brody laying right against me inducing much sweating. Balks at me pushing him away. Meowing.

11:46PM: Woken again, this time freezing, cannot disentangle cats from previously discarded blankets. Give up, pass out.

Tuesday
12:14AM: Woken from feverish dream about polishing silver to horrendous crashing sound. Wonder at first if I dreamed it, or am hallucinating. Investigate living room, certain that snow globe cabinet has fallen off wall, severing a cat in half. No such luck, cabinet firmly affixed to wall. Later determine crashing sound was Opal falling off kitchen window into dish rack.

1:05AM: Give up on sleeping, try to read, but thwarted by various cats perching on my chest blocking my view of the book.

2:15AM: Meowing. Cats are hungry, Brody demanding bathroom faucet to be turned on.

3:30AM: Half-way through watching the Office on computer, Brody steps on the keyboard somehow freezing the computer.

3:35AM: Weeping.

7:45AM: Cats chasing around apartment, fighting, hissing, and screaming.

8:30AM: Must use bathroom IMMEDIATELY. Brody running around my feet, jumps on toilet seat costing me priceless seconds.

3:45PM: Trying to read again. Thwarted again.

6:00PM: Cats are quiet. Sleeping curled into little balls on the bed, and looking at me with contempt when I move or disturb them.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

YIKES

You all know I love cats. Please stop me before it gets this bad.



Thanks for the video Carrie

This End Up

Why is the opposite of up-side down, right-side up? Why isn't it down-side up?... although now that I see it typed out, it becomes clear that up-side down and down-side up are the same thing. Okay, new idea. Instead of saying right-side up, I want everyone to start saying up-side up. The end.

Fun at the Sculpture Park

Jon, Christy, Kristin and I enjoyed the damp and
gray Seattle weather at the Sculpture
Park downtown. It was great, if a little cold...