Out with the Old

Last day of 2009. My main resolution of the year was to stop procrastinating. I think I did okay. Seeing as how I started studying for my September LSAT in March and got 8 of 10 applications out before December. But also ran around like a fool while I continued to procrastinate on less important matters. Maybe I need the pressure to function. Who knows?

It was a busy year with trips to Arizona and Nebraska. My parents, Jilly, and Andrea each came for visits. I saw The Killers in concert. Took the LSAT and applied to schools. Read 79 books. And much more.

I also knocked off 5 things on my life list, including...go backpacking, learn to juggle, and throw a Cher-themed party.

I have dubbed 2010 "the year of balance," in which I bring...well, balance to my life. More on that as it develops.

Top Ten Reads 2009

I picked out my favorite literary-ish reads amid the shameful sea of smut that I consumed this year...hey! I took the LSAT! Give me a break!

• The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
  
• The Secret History - Donna Tartt
  
• The Stone Diaries - Carol Shields
  
• I Capture the Castle - Dodie Smith
  
• The Bone graphic novel series - Jeff Smith
  
• We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson
  
• The Magician's Elephant - Kate DiCamillo
  
• The Hakawati - Rabih Alameddine
  
• When Everything Changed - Gail Collins
  
• In the Valley of the Kings - Terrence Holt

And if I absolutely had to pick the best of the best it would be In the Valley of the Kings - Terrence Holt. It's just phenomenal.

Meowy Christmas

I bought my cats their Christmas presents 2 weeks ago. New collars for both(because Opal broke hers); these catnip, ball-shaped things called "pawbreakers"; and a mouse on a string with a feather replacement. I had all of their things in a plastic bag inside my bookbag. When I woke up the next day they had pulled the plastic bag out of the bookbag, ripped a hole in it, and strewn their presents all over the house. Brody had left teeth marks in all the plastic packaging and it was too late to pry the "pawbreaker" out of Opal's clutches. Everything else went immediately into a dresser drawer. I debated not giving them their presents at all, something I vaguely remember my mom doing when I had found my Christmas present early. But then I thought it wouldn't be fair for me to accept what the cats got me, Harry Potter 6 on DVD!!!


Last Wednesday I couldn't wait any longer, I had to give them their presents if only to allow me to watch my movie. Opal looks particularly fetching in her new metallic silver collar. The second "pawbreaker" was kind of a bust seeing as they had been playing with the other one since Saturday. The mouse on a string was the real hit. Brody went insane over it. Running back and forth and back and forth. Leaping and climbing, jumping and spinning in mid air. Diving and somersaulting and stopping on a dime. At one point he was running horizontally along the back of the couch. He was out of his mind for that stupid mouse!

And then he just stopped. And stood there. And started breathing really heavy, and twitching his tail. At first I thought he was mad because Opal was trying to play too. But then he laid in the corner on his side and wouldn't stop breathing so quickly. He got this glazed look on his face and wouldn't move. I poked him but he was all limp. And when I picked him up, he dangled like a sack of potatoes, and on the floor where he had been...poop! POOP! He went over in the corner, laid down, and pooped! But definitely not normal intentional pooping, he never goes outside the box. I thought something was terribly wrong. So, I took him to the litter box and pointed him at it but he wouldn't go in. He went over to a corner again and this time pooped standing up. It's like he couldn't stop himself, not even to get in the box. When he was done he tried to run away, in shame I think, but I stopped him and he was still breathing heavy. I was pretty freaked out at this point so I brought him to his bed and just sat there petting him. He eventually started purring and 2 minutes later he was fine. I swear to you all, he pooed because of that toy. He was so excited, he actually shit himself. Hand to God.

Also in the realm of cat stories... I forgot to pick up cat food at the store before Christmas and the cats were hungry. So I thought to tide them over I would make some scrambled eggs. That's what one feeds sick animals, I figured it would be fine for them. Of course they wouldn't eat it. So I thought, they drink my cereal milk, I'll give them some milk. I had heard that cats are lactose intolerant, but my cats seem to stomach it fine. Turns out they are lactose intolerant, as evidence by the several puddles of vomit around the house a few minutes later. Poor babies, at least they weren't hungry anymore...

Helpful Holiday Hints

As the craziness of the holidays rises to a fever pitch, I thought I would give you all a few last minute gift giving ideas if you haven't yet found me the perfect holiday hint.



A scooter...Vespa, Buddy, whatever, as long as it's adorable.






A hockey team. Preferably the New Jersey Devils, but since they aren't for sale and the Phoenix Coyotes are, I guess they will do.








Joel McHale.

Law, law, law law law law, law law law law law!

For those that don't know, I have successfully taken the LSAT...well if not exactly successful, at least it's done. I have labored for several weeks over my personal statement. And as of December 4th, I have 6 applications floating out there in the law school admissions process ether. I still have 5 more applications to go, but I'm waiting for my next paycheck...and quite frankly most of them are my second tier choices, and I'm not sure I would go to them even if I got in. I've pretty much nixed any ideas of going to Michigan based solely on last week's frigid temperatures.

So now I wait. In the meantime, several of the schools I've chosen have an online status check and yesterday Seattle University sent me a link to theirs. They also said that I can check "your admission status anytime, 24/7". And after checking my status yesterday and seeing that my file was under review...that's exactly what I do...though it's more like 60/60/24/7.


On a side note, Seattle University sent me a Christmas card. What does that mean? Are they trying to tell me something? Am I in and they just can't say it yet? You know, nudge nudge, wink wink. Or are they just being nice? After all, they are Jesuits.

Logs O' Yule

Praise the Lord! Christmas Cheer has arrived (finally) in the form of a burned DVD from my mother. The Yule Log!!!! Thanks Mom!

I watched it for 2 hours last night and finally put together my Christmas To Do List. Number one...bake that cherry pie I've been meaning to bake since Thanksgiving.

Ava...what?

Since becoming a relative Luddite with the lack of television and lately no internet, I have a difficult time keeping up with the latest trends and entertainment gossip. Though having Carrie and Trish Tivo The Soup helps a little.

This weekend I happened to be house-sitting for them and I was looking forward to boning up on my useless celebrity/entertainment news. How surprised I was to find how useless the TV was. I think I must have seen more than 30 commercials for Avatar and I still have no idea what it's about. I know as much about it as I did before which is only that it's from MEGA-DIRECTOR James Cameron, and that it's supposed to change movies forever...and that it seems to star a bunch of really pissed-off smurfs. So, thanks TV, thanks for nothing.

Bah Humbug

I love Christmas. I always have. When I was little, my mom would let my brother and I decorate the house. It was always awful. As if Christmas had thrown up in our house. There was crap everywhere. And then on Christmas Eve, we would go to church and then get Kentucky Fried Chicken and bring it home and open presents. It was great.

Even after moving out I have loved Christmas. Lately I make my own gifts, partly because I am not able to buy presents for everyone, and partly because I just love making gifts. But this year, something is different. Maybe due to the fact that I can't afford any gifts, or even the material to make gifts. It's not as if I hate Christmas, it's more like I don't really care. Which is sad. Because I do care...or more precisely, I care that I don't care. Does that make sense? At any rate, the holiday spirit seems to be eluding me this year. Any tips from fellow Scrooges?

Book Musings

I've been reading Gail Collin's latest, When Everything Changed : The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present, and it is pretty great. It's not often that non-fiction title grips me like this one has. It's funny, smart, and packed with information. All delivered without an agenda. There are foolish men...and women in these pages. It's not a bitter diatribe, it's a hopeful history. Very well done. In fact, the other night I was reading it on the bus home, and found myself with tears in my eyes at one particularly stirring moment.

The book has also sent me on tangential, fact-finding missions. Like the search for Robin Morgan's article, Goodbye to All That, about the rampant machismo and sexism in the New Left radical movement of the 1970s.

Reading this has also heightened my admittedly acute feminist's eye. For example, while watching Saturday Night Live last night, I noticed that there is only one full-time female cast member. And while unpacking a box of books at work the other day, I came across this book...
What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, by Dr. James Dobson. Great, just what we need, a book telling men what women want them to know...written by a man. But don't worry ladies, he's a doctor. This is a bit of a low blow on my part seeing as it was written in the 70s. Although I have to say it's good for a laugh.

Caw

I am totally obsessed with crows! I can't get enough of them. It is so cold here right now, that all the crows are walking around all puffed up, trying to keep out the frigid temperature. Poor crows! The other day while I was riding the bus to work, I looked out the window and saw this crow cawing. And I swear to God, I saw that crows breath. I texted my brother, and he says it must be some sort of omen some where. I haven't found anything out yet, but I will keep you posted.

Back

So...you are all clamoring for more. Well, maybe not all, and not really clamoring, but my attempts to quit the blog have met with a slight resistance... mostly from Carrie. However, the other day my brother told me he was checking out my blog but there hadn't been any new posts. Even at my advanced age, I can't help but love when my brother thinks something I do is cool. Or if not cool, at least worthy of checking out. I believe I will forever be the little sister, pestering and annoying her brother. I think I'm okay with that.

All This Has Happened Before...

I'm not sure it will happen again because I'm not sure I can stand to be so utterly let down by yet another series, again. Why is it that everything I love must end so horribly wrong? Harry Potter...need I say more. But this is about Battlestar Galactica. I really loved this show, though I may have burnt out watching it night after night, trying to comply with library constraints. But I did love it. Great characters, great drama, great effects. Just Great. And the first half of the finale was also great. It was that awful, horrid last half. And it wasn't even all of the last half, just some of it. Well, not wanting to give anything away, I guess you'll have to watch it for yourself, and then we can discuss.
And I know that it's impossible to please everyone, I'm just asking that they please me. Is that too much?

This Morning on the Bus

I was riding to work this morning, feeling so very happy about having caught my bus, and the warm coffee in my mug and the Killers music blaring in my headphones, that it took me a minute to realize that the clicking noise behind me was the tell-tale sound of someone clipping their nails. On the bus. Clipping their nails on the bus! I have to admit, that this is not the first time I have seen this. Since when did it become acceptable to clip one's nails in public? Would it be okay to clip your nails in your friend's car? Um, I'm gonna go with no. So why is it okay to do it on the bus? The funny thing is, that when I got up to move because I couldn't get the image of fingernails flying into my hair, I saw that it was a woman cutting her nails, and she had a mask on. One of those masks people wear to protect themselves from swine flue. There's something wrong with that picture. She's afraid of other people's germs, but not aware that her airborne fingernail bits might be equally disturbing to her fellow bus riders. Well played, lady, well played.

I Have Seen the Light

Regina Spektor is a god...dess.My friend Jill and I just saw her in concert. Speechless. I can't wait to get home from work tonight and fall into a Regina Spektor induced coma. Or perhaps, a Regina-empowered creative blitz. How can one listen to this music and not be inspired?

Periodic Issues

I love Bitch! I love, Love, LOVE, LOVE Bitch! I can't stand how much I love it. Literally, I am sitting down right now, because I just can't stand it. One of the few magazines I read cover to cover; this quarterly, feminist response to pop culture is a must. Smart, funny, honest, empowering, insightful, fabulous. Are you reading?


Oh Bitch, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

1. New pink ink replaces the old gray ink. An entire magazine in pinks, blacks and whites...ah-mazing!

2. Great writing by wonderful contributors.

3. Ad space devoted entirely to lady-friendly causes, music, shops, books and other lady-minded things.

4. I feel smart for reading and nodding in agreement, but smarter for reading and shaking my head in disagreement.

5. Finding out about cool new things like Smart Bitches Trashy Books. This review here is absolutely, pee-your-pants, drink-shooting-out-your-nose, guffaw-out-loud funny!

6. Its positive use of the word Bitch. Take back the language! Take back the power!

7. Interviews with positive, thought provoking, awesome women... and men... what do you think of that?

8. It's just great. That's all I got. It's great, and I always feel a little bereft each time I finish and know I have to wait 3 months for the next one.

Rock on, Bitch! And all you bitches out there, buy a copy, support print media; support great ideas; support discussion...and learn a little something while you're at it.

Mass Transit Hysteria

I ride the bus because, surprisingly, I enjoy not owning a car. Oh sure, there are those times when I just need to pick up some cat litter and a 30 pound bag of food, and it's raining, and I want to do it in less than 2 hours. But for the most part the joys of not having to worry about insurance, gas, parking and traffic far outweigh the inconveniences of bus travel. Except for days like today...

A man gets on the bus and calls his mother on his cell phone, and proceeds to tell her all about some guy he knows and his medical problems, in the loudest voice possible. And he says "you know" at least 50 times during the conversation, and that tally is after I started counting. Then, as he's getting off the bus, "Okay, I gotta go now, I'm getting off the bus." What!?! Get off your effing phone before you get on the bus. Luckily he was transferring to the same bus as me, and I got to hear all about his friend again, this time as he relayed it to his brother.

This has been happening more and more lately. People talking on phones, carrying on extremely loud and inappropriate conversations, making out in the seat behind me, listening to headphones at a volume at which the entire bus can enjoy. If there's thing I love after a long day, it's riding home to the sounds of 16 year-olds sucking each others' faces off. And Everyone else, in what I'm beginning to discover is true Seattle fashion, just sits there, occasionally glaring in passive aggressive silence.

I think it may be time for that scooter I've been dreaming about. Donations accepted.

Ta Dah

What do you think of that? Three posts in 2 days?!? Huh? HUH?!? I feel some sort of groove emerging.

Best Laid Plans

I went home last night thinking I was going to get so much done. I was going to be so productive. I stopped at the library to pick up my languishing copy of Battlestar Galactica before they took it away from me, then walked home, enjoying every voyeuristic peep into cheerfully lit up houses. I made my dinner, and was just settling down to pay some bills, write some very overdue cards, maybe organize a bit or fold some clothes; when Nikki called. Now in her defense she was only returning my call from earlier. But there went the evening. Much gabbing and giggling ensued. And I have to say, I don't feel quite as guilty about procrastinating if it's done in the name of catching up with a very, dear friend. And bonus... new baby pics!





















What a mitten!

Breaking News...Woman Arrested Breaking Police Lines to Get to Her "Mittens"

Well, hello again. Apologies, apologies, excuses, excuses. Seems to be all I'm made of lately. But, there has to be a way around this no internet thing. At least to the end that I post something every once in awhile, maybe not everyday, but certainly more than every other month.

So, I won't bore you with the things I did this summer, mainly because all I did was study and obsess, and most of you have had your fill of that. Instead I will regale you of the tale of the standoff across the street. That's right...a standoff!

Carrie was just driving me home from dinner at her and Trish's place when we turned onto 15th and were greeted with a police blockade just north of my house. Holy crap! I got out and asked the policeman if I could get through, and did he know how long it would take. Both questions were met with a rather curt and altogether unhelpful "no". At this point I got a little panicky, I didn't know what was going on, or even where it was going on and all I could think of was, my poor baby mittens! So, I told Carrie to drive down the back way, and maybe I could get through there. But, when we turned down the block, there were at least five news vans and the SWAT team and Carrie says, "Um, I think this a little bigger than you think." We asked a newsguy what was going on, and thankfully he was a bit more forthcoming than a certain member of Seattle's finest.

It turned out to be some sort of domestic dispute that erupted into a guy waving a gun around. He then locked himself in his apartment, hence the standoff. It also turns out that after "flash bangs", and SWAT teams, and news reporters, the guy wasn't even in his apartment. I feel safer already. Thanks SPD, you guys are great!

Breaking news from the Midwest...

Emergency cactus spine removal.

We were sitting outside enjoying the Nebraska, August evening when a fat, little toad hopped into our party. Being the city girl I am, I jumped up to take a picture, frightening the toad, who then jumped into the nearest cactus to hide. And there he sat, with spines in his mouth, flailing about and injuring himself further. Until my stepsister, Daniela flew in to the rescue, snatching the toad from the evil clutches of said cactus. I ran in the house, grabbed my tweezers, and we had ourselves a makeshift vet clinic, operating room. Poor little guy had spines stuck in his face, feet, belly and even his eyes. But when all was said and done, he hopped off into the sunset, not too much the worse for wear.

You're Saying Glenn Beck Isn't An Arrogant #&%@?

Here's a great video clip of Glenn Beck defending his current freak out on Bill O'reilly's show. You know there's something wrong with you when Bill O'reilly is mocking you.

http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/glenn-beck-defends-his-radio-show-freakout

Thanks to Jon for the heads up!

Material Wealth

Christy and I were talking the other day about how being thrifty can make a person, to use her words, shriveled. How being ungenerous with ourselves can make us ungenerous with others. This was in reference to (perhaps justification for) me wanting to splurge on a new hardcover of an author I've never read. It was just one of those books that I felt I needed to have. I think the last time I bought an unknown author (to me) in hardcover, was A.L. Kennedy's Everything You Need, and that was 2001. Of course that's not to say I haven't bought loads of other new hardcovers by people I have read, but it always feels like more of a risk, more of a splurge, with the unknown. In an effort to be more generous with myself, and in consequence, all of you, I bought the book. So, you're welcome.

It's Come to This

I'm at the point where I have studied so much, taken so many practice tests, worked through so many problem sets; that I am starting to see the same questions popping up in various different study guides. The question I would like answered is; why, if I've seen these question before, even answered them correctly before, I just got my worst practice test score on a test I have actually already taken?

And Here's a Lolcat to Keep You Interested

This is how the studying makes me feel...
...you know, if I were a cat.

This One Goes Out to Carrie Glover

Blech, blech, blech. And a ho hum for good measure. I know, I know. My blog is unbelievably boring at this juncture. Most of you probably aren't even checking it anymore. But I promise, be steadfast. The posts will become more frequent and more interesting on Sunday, September 27th.

Overheard at Work

A: I just recommended a book from your section.
C: Oh yeah, which one?
A: XXXXXXX by XXXXXXXX.
C: Cool.
A: Yeah, and the guy bought the crap out of it.

Move Over Stephen King...

I have a new enemy.

Forget bookselling, and reading. Forget crafting and the mittens. And definitely forget law school. Killers albums will go unheard, James Mcavoy movies unwatched, and I never will find out what happens to that ragtag band of humans on Battlestar Galactica. Buy as many Kindles as you want, put every bookstore out of business; that's someone else's battle. I'm packing up my things, buying an uzi and going on the hunt for douchebag.



I clench my fist in anger! Two years of my life for this country...and what have you done Glenn Beck? You fat fuck.

Things That Are Worse Than Amateur Poetry Slams

Pandemics
New hire training/sexual harassment videos
Tori Spelling
Olives

Take That Amazon!

The other day I got a call at work. It was a gentleman inquiring about a call he had received from us about a special order. I looked up his info and told him that yes, indeed we had received his special order. He let out a long sigh, and I braced myself for anger, wondering what could possibly be wrong, we had his order and rather promptly at that.

He tells me that when we ordered the book we weren't sure when it would come in and that it might take as long as six weeks. He said go ahead, order it and he would try to find it elsewhere in the meantime.

Well turns out the book shows up two days later, we call him and he calls me. He's already found it...at that big bookstore in his computer. I say, "It's no problem, it's our fault and you're not obligated to buy it." And he says, "You don't understand, bookstores are DYING. I'll be in tonight to pick it up."

Swoon. What a lovely, lovely man.

Things That Are Surprisingly Forceful When Formed in a Group

Ants
Lima Beans
Snowflakes
Atoms
Straw (particularly the last)
Nerds

A (mostly) True Life One Act Play

A workplace environment, two co-workers are talking...

A: Is that a mosquito bite on your cheek?
E: What?
A: That.
E: No it's a zit.
A: *voluminous and violent fake vomiting ensues*
E: *silent pause*
A: What would you do if I really did that?
E: What, vomited when I told you it's a zit?
A: Yeah.
E: I'd punch you in the head and then shove your face in your vomit so you'd drown in a pool of your own sick.
A: Seems fair.

fade to black.

Observation

Sometimes, when you're playing devil's advocate, you're just being a douche bag.

My Excuse

So I haven't written much lately...nothing at all really. Here's the reason...How can you expect me to focus on writing when this beautiful being lives inside my computer in the form of Battlestar Galactica season 2 data files. Alas. On the bright side I have learned something very important about the future from my recent bout of nerdom...we may be overrun by terrifying, killer robots, but at least what's left of the human race is hot.

BSG Blackhole

So sorry to be so remiss in my blogging, but really I have more important things to do. Like watching Battlestar Galactica!

DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!
I'M ONLY ON SEASON ONE!

And the odds are pretty favorable that if Sarah Vowell can ruin the ending to The Great Gatsby and a stupid book about cats can ruin the end to Alien, then some sort of internet surfing or blog comment will ruin the end to Battlestar.
But fear not faithful followers, I'm nearly finished with season 1 and it looks to be a long, dry spell before the library gets me season 2.

What's Happening To Me?

I shouldn't be blue, but I am blue. Why am I blue! Tell me why!!!! I hate being blue. blah.

Your Latest Killers Fix

I have to say, if I were the other Killers I would be totally pissed. You all know how much I LOOOOVE Brandon Flowers, but come on! He's not the only one making the music (as this video, and frankly all the others, would have you assume). Anyhoo...here's the link to what I think may be the best track off the Day and Age album. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f76oTcUD__E. Enjoy!

I've Got Migaloo Fever, Baby!

Why on Earth you would name an all white whale Migaloo and not Moby is beyond me. But, nevertheless, this albino, Humpback whale has stolen my heart. He's so cute! Makes me want to watch Star Trek IV all over again. Here's some info on Migaloo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpback_Whale, once at the page, scroll down to famous humpbacks, Migaloo is numero uno!

Sigh...

I wish you all could see how adorable Opal is. It's truly freakish.

Where's the Beef?

I like the romance novels...most of you know that. I have no shame about it. Sometimes I just need a palate cleanser. Take this weekend, I read a book about the siege of Leningrad, a graphic novel about the Holocaust, and then watched a French WW I movie. Sometimes I just need a little fluff. And so, happily, I found the recent release of one of my favorite smut authors. She often writes about professional hockey players-yippee! But imagine my disappointment upon reading the book and finding...gasp... a plot! I don't want some story about two people who know each other and kinda like each other. And I certainly don't want to read about their families and their jobs. I want two people who loathe one another on sight but can't seem to fight the draw they have to each other. I want sparks and passion and secrets and fun. Not first dates and trips to the symphony. I don't want to read about an everyday relationship. I want to read about a ridiculous relationship that could never ever happen. This is escapism people! C'mon!

I Love David Sedaris

In a street fight between Stephen King and David Sedaris, you can bet I'll be backing that Franco-phile, snark-loving, little essayist. Spread the word folks, doom is upon us. And to Mr. Sedaris, booksellers around the world thank you, but next time, try autographing the front of the Kindle, right across the screen.

Road Trip

On the way out to Olympic National Park last week, Carrie, Trish and I had fun with a few Madlibs (Which, by the way, are way better when played as an adult.) Here's a little taste...

Kid: I'm starved, Mom. My sphincter is growling.

Mom: I think you've had enough snail food today. You ate enough to choke a scrapbook.

Kid: But I'm a growing police. Dad, can we stop and get a hamburger with bald eagles and sand dollars?

Dad: You just had a scorched breakfast!

Kid: No, I didn't. All I had was a couple of scrambled computers and a glass of tar.

Mom: How about those five pieces of buttered cellar, plus that stack of monuments?

Kid: Eegads! I have to go to the garlic bread room. Can we stop? I have to go real sticky!

Dad: Okay. It'll give me a chance to stretch my guardrails.

Mom: Stop at that diner, I could use a cup of strong turpentine.

Kid: As long as we're stopping, can I have a grilled lactose and some dreary fries? That will hold me till lunch.

Wow, Madlibs really are the lamest game ever invented.

Are You Serious!?!

I know it's late, but I'm having a heart attack. I just went on GoodReads to rate my latest, (4 out of 5 if you're interested). Anyhow, I happened upon a person's page that had a bookshelf called "Kindle". And then I clicked on it. And found countless more people with Kindle bookshelves. First off, don't they realize how absolutely ridiculous it is to label a bookshelf-BOOKshelf as Kindle? It should be a "Small Data File Shelf". Second of all...oh my God! How can you be a book lover, a bookstore lover, a written word lover, and use that dreadful, awful, soul-sucking, portable reading device (God I hate Stephen King). Ug! I'm disgusted! At this moment I have decided that I am a born again Luddite. Goodbye Blog, and facebook and GoodReads. From now on it's letters instead of email, checks instead of debit, BOOKS instead of Kindle, and fresh-baked bread instead of Pop Tarts.

Grumble

I have to say, I hate that Yahoo! posts a "Good Morning" greeting on my email page exactly at 12AM. I know it's technically morning, but come on! I just got home from work for Pete's sake. And if I were to go to bed right now, and get 8 hours of sleep, I would wake up at 8AM and still have a good 4 hours of morning left. It's not morning, Yahoo!, it's night. Get it together!

Who Has the Most Beautiful "Niece" in All the Land?

ME!

Beautiful Mom=Beautiful Baby... It's genetics, people!

Dull

Nothing new, just loads and loads of freaking out. I mean, real honest to goodness, freaking out. The likes of which I haven't experienced since...well, since about a year ago, amidst all the moving, settling in hubbub. When I wake up, this is what goes through my mind,

"AHHH! Good sleep...wait, what day is it?!? Do I have to work today...DID I MISS MY BUS!?!? Hey, Brody. Where's Opal? zzzzzzzzz. Oh shit, what do I have to do today? Wait, am I supposed to study? LSAT, LSAT, LSAT. Law school...LAW SCHOOL LAW SCHOOL LAW SCHOOL LAW SCHOOL. Whose idea was this? Money. No money. I have to pee. zzzzzzzzzz. Hungry."

I think I'm just experiencing the pre-summer visits/excursions stress. Hopefully it will pass when everything is over... and on the proactive side, I've made a list of things to do (as suggested by the madre), so maybe my morning routine won't be quite so full of freak outs if I just stick to the list...and stop wasting my time on the computer.

Revenge

As I was arranging the last post, Opal, whose psychic powers I have already discussed here, came into my bedroom scooting her little butt on the carpet. Given the previous minute's litter box scraping noises, and the pervasive smell of fresh cat shit, it could only mean one thing. Of course, I try to grab her as quickly as possible. But, because she knows what's coming, and is quite naturally freaked out by the giant turd stuck to her, she runs from me...scooting all the way. Run, run, run. Scoooooooot! Run, run, run. Scooooooooot! Until I catch her, and try first to pick it off with wadded up toilet paper, but it's stuck pretty good, so I wash it off in the sink...with my hands. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Although, I guess I technically didn't do it for love so much as saving the floors from being covered with even more shit.

Why I Will Have to Buy New Blinds When I Move

My New Catchphrase

"I'm so broke. If I were a superhero, my superpower would be being broke."

Overheard on the Bus

This guy was listening to either a teeny, tiny boom-box, or seriously damaging his ears with his headphones. Either way, he was playing music that was audible to everyone on the bus. And this girl says, "I don't mean to be a bitch but could you turn that down?" And the guy does, and the next minute the girl gets on her phone and talks loud enough for the whole bus to know she's not getting along with her boss at work. So either she wanted him to turn down the music so she could hear her telephone call, or she didn't quite get the irony of the situation.

As a side note, I'm surprised the bus driver didn't say anything to the boom-box guy. She's usually a real hard ass and won't take any shit. She's so tough that I panic if I can't get my bus pass out of my wallet quick enough, I'm always afraid she's gonna drive off without me.

Feathered Friends my Ass

I finally did it, I dragged myself out of bed in the pre-dawn hours to go running before work. Okay, maybe not pre-dawn, but 7:20 AM is pretty damn early for me. I filled my water bottle, tightened my shoes, blasted my Killers music, ran out the door, turned the corner and... got attacked by a crow. What the hell! It wasn't like I turned the corner, and ran into a bird that happened to be flying on my same trajectory but in the opposite direction. HE ATTACKED ME! He dive-bombed me three times, screaming with that derisive crow screech. Did he think I was a predator, I mean I've seen crows do that to eagles, but me! And I would like to say to that crow..."You picked the wrong human to attack. I used to be on your side! And now you've ruined it for all the other crows. "

Some thoughts and theories from coworkers and friends:
-"Maybe he thought my hair was an animal to eat like owls that think women's ponytails are squirrels."
-"He probably had a nest nearby."
-"He was just having a bad day."
-"OH MY GOD!!!! CROWS REMEMBER YOUR FACE! You better be careful!"

Me, I think he was just commenting on my running form.

Credit Where Credit is Due

One of the things that makes me crazy about the book industry is the marketing of an author's name as opposed to their actual book.
Case in point...Stephen King. Can you even tell what the title of the book is? What if I wanted to read The Stand, I wouldn't be able to pick it out from all the other Stephen King titles. Not to mention the fact that I feel like the authors are shouting their names at me.

The latest convert to this self-aggrandizing. ego-maniacal BS is none other than chick-lit, mega-author Jodi Picoult. That's right, the "author" of such classics as My Sister's Keeper, and 19 Minutes would rather you buy books based on her name, not the actual content of her novels. Are you surprised? I know I am.

What brings this to my attention is the latest release from the Wonder Woman comic series, written by, you guessed it, Jodi Picoult. I will set aside the commentary that not just anyone who can string a coherent sentence together can write a comic. And I will postpone my judgment as to whether a "best selling" "novelist" can understand the complexities of timing and pacing necessary to write a successful graphic novel. I guess my real issue is, how many of you readers out there know who Wonder Woman is? And how many know Ms. Picoult?... Than why the hell is Jodi Picoult's name so god-damned big?!?!
On a side note, as I haven't read this particular graphic novel, I'm curious as to whether Wonder Woman faces some kind of drama concerning a suicide pact between two teenage lovers gone horribly wrong, or the realization that the man she loves, a commercial airline pilot who's plane crashes into the Atlantic, actually has a whole other family in Britian... oh wait, that was Anita Shreve. My apologies.

ONIONS!

Cooking with onions isn't just a danger to humans....

It's Official....

The most depressing book title...ever.

It's Here and It's Awful

Remember when I discovered that Pepsi was going to put out Mt. Dew with real sugar and not high fructose corn syrup? Remember?!? This morning I was at the grocery store getting OJ and champagne (Craft Day mimosas, woohoo!) and there it was...Mt. Dew Throwback, with its retro label and all its sugary glory. Glee erupted in my heart. Joy danced on my eagerly awaiting taste buds. I felt like I had when waiting for the last Harry Potter book. I was a kid on Christmas. At last the day had arrived. And then I drank it. It's awful... I am so depressed.

My New Favorite Book

Dinosaur On Passover, by Diane Levin Rauchwerger

Best passage from the book (from memory):
We wanted to start the Seder,
but Dino was nowhere to be found.
He was hiding in the pantry,
juggling matzoh boxes all around.

Best quote about the book by a co-worker:
"Are dinosaurs Kosher?"

Weirdest Thing Said to Me Today

"When you chew, it's like the little things are dancing on your neck."

Italians are Beautiful (a movie review)

8 1/2 Otto e Mezzo: Mesmerizing. A film about making films, but so much more. This Federico Fellini masterpiece is spectacular. Following the creative crisis of director Guido Anselmi, the film delves into the psyche of both an artist searching for his creative vision, and a man struggling with his life (and the women who inhabit it) that interrupts it. I really enjoyed it. It's a visual feast, filled with hilarious moments and poignant vignettes. Definitely a classic. I highly recommend it. I'm especially intriuged by how modern it is. Made in 1963 it seems more at home with movies filmed today.

It Occurs To Me...

...as I watch The West Wing Season 1, under the looming two-week deadline imposed by the Seattle Public Library, that there are at least 46 other people in this fine city interested in watching exactly what I am watching right now. And as I progress through the seasons I am contesting with at least 46 other people to request and check out those 6 other seasons before them.

Now, I bring this up because, one, I think it interesting that there are at least 46 other people in this city who are either wanting to watch, or watching what I am watching or wanting to watch in the future. At least 46 other people in this city with similar interests. I have lots of interests, yes, but the fact that there are at least 46 other people who love both The West Wing and the library intrigues me to no end. I think the library should institute some sort of friend finder/dating program. What a great way to meet people with similar interests. Think of the opportunities! At this time, right now, I am basically ignoring at least 46 other people who would be interested in watching what I am watching. 46 other people I could invite to my house and pop popcorn for. 46 other people I could be friends with. 46 other people I could possibly spend the rest of my life with, and not have to die alone.

And I bring it up because, two, think of the reduction on library holds that could result from this friend finder/dating program. Right now I am at least one of 2000 people waiting for Doubt. Even if you only connected 2 library patrons on one hold request, that would reduce the wait time by half. And I would have been watching Doubt three weeks ago instead of 4 months from now, and not remembering having even requested it or what the movie is about at all.

It's just a thought...

I Want 10 Million of His Babies

Skulduggery & Trickery

I checked out Season 1 of The West Wing from the library. I have exactly two weeks to watch an entire season because, of course there are loads of people lined up behind me to watch this Aaron Sorkin miracle of video recorded awesomeness. I thought I was making great time through the episodes, two nights and already on disc three. Though there were some strange plot gaps I felt I should have known about, but thought perhaps I was washing dishes during that particular scene. So I kept going. But tonight it became clear I was missing more than just small plot points. Turns out, there are episodes on both sides of the discs. Crap.

Bath Time

A wet and angry Brody O'Mittens















An extremely wet and angry Opal McMittens (under the couch)

Yum Yum

Right now I am relaxing after a gruesome day of work, watching West Wing and eating the most amazing pizza in the world...THAT I MADE MYSELF!!!!
Recipe:
One piece of Trader Joes flat bread, smeared with Trader Joes ready-made pesto, covered with tons o cheese (preferably the mozzarella kind) and topped with tomatoes. Then cooked in my 350 degree toaster oven for about 7 minutes. And Viola! Amazing white pizza right in your own home.

Now, while I didn't actually make any of the ingredients, I think the genius is in the combination.

No Rest for the Wicked

I've been fighting insomnia lately. Last night was particularly bad. So this morning before starting work, I went over to the bakery for some coffee. It took me a minute to realize that after ripping open my sugar packets, I was pouring the sugar into the garbage and not in my coffee cup. So either it's early onset Alzheimer's, or I'm just really, really tired.

100 Movies

Many of you know my love affair with the library. Not that I actually read that many library books. I use it more as my own personal, free Netflix. The sheer size of their collection is pretty amazing and if you haven't checked out your local library I really urge you to do so. I think the most fun I have is putting movies on hold and then waiting to see which gems await me on my weekly trek up the hill. Waiting 3 months for the new Batman movie was little trouble considering the countless movies I was able to watch in between.

As a result of this expanded horizon of unlimited movie watching, I have been searching through all sorts lists for what I need to see. I've been through the IMDB lists and the AFI lists, but as these are mainly American films, I am going with the 100 Movies to See Before You Die from Yahoo Movies. I know, not a very elite reporting agency but it seems like a good place to get my feet wet. Here's the link if you're interested http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die.html

Here are some short reviews from the films I've already seen on the list...
12 Angry Men- Watched it in high school, should probably revisit it
The African Queen- The movie that made me love Humphrey Bogart
Apocalypse Now- Martin Sheen has a heart attack while filming, Marlon Brando's an ass, and Lawrence Fishbourne as Larry Fishbourne lies about his age in order to play his role...in the end it doesn't really seem worth it.
Bringing Up Baby-Katherine the Great
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid-Do you really need to be told by a list to watch a movie with both Robert Redford and Paul Newman?
Casablanca- The movie that did not make me love Humphrey Bogart
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon- Kinda surprised this one is on the list
Die Hard- AWESOME!
Double Indemnity-Love Barbara Stanwyck...film noir, not so much
Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb- Just saw this one and it's outstanding, hilarious. Peter Sellers is a genius.
E.T. the Extraterrestriall- Believe it or not, I have never seen this movie whole, in one sitting. I'm sure by now that I have managed to get the gist of it, but will be viewing it again anyways
The Exorcist- I have nothing to say for this one, all I really remember are the outside stairs
The French Connection- Gene Hackman, Gene Hackman, Gene Hackman...is awesome!
It Happened One Night- Great movie, Clark Gable is stunning. I never understood why he was so adored until this, but then again, I always hated Rhett Butler
It's a Wonderful Life- I once vowed to never see this movie. I'm not sure why, I guess that was the extent of my younger rebellious phase...I adore this movie
The Lady Eve- Watched during my recent Barbara Stanwyck phase, she's amazing, but I will never understand why they would cast her beside such a dull-witted version of Henry Fonda and expect us to believe that she could love him
The Lord of the Rings- "Are you frightened?" "Yes." "Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you" ooooooh! I wish Viggo was hunting me!
M*A*S*H- One of my favorites.
The Matrix- Another that I'm surprised it's on the list, though I s'pose it did revolutionize movies if only having produced countless imitators.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Not a big Jack Nicholson fan
Pulp Fiction- Thank God I've already seen this and won't be forced to watch it again...ug!
Raiders of the Lost Ark- The best Indiana Jones, hands down.
Rear Window- The scariest scene in film history...Jimmy Stewart watching a darkened window and suddenly he sees the glowing end of a cigarette, the only evidence that he is being watched back. Fabulous.
Rebel Without a Cause- I think I will never understand my James Dean love when I was younger. Who was I even?
Roman Holiday- Lovely
Saving Private Ryan- Before Tom Sizemore went totally nutso, and a young Vin Diesel. Weird.
Schindler's List- I regret leaving the theater half way through this movie. But eventually watched it in full
The Shawshank Redemption- Lovely
Silence of the Lambs- Creepy
Sigin' in the Rain- Love Debbie Reynolds. Gene Kelley not so much
Some like it Hot- eh
Star Wars- Empire is better
Titanic- really?
To Kill a Mockingbird- Fabulous, and still not as good as the book
Toy Story- I had a little crush on Buzz Lightyear
When Harry Met Sally- Does anyone else find Billy Crystal as annoying as I do?
Wings of Desire- Weird and over my head, but still pretty awesome
Wizard of OZ- You know this one

So that's 38 of 100. I'll keep you posted on my progress. I'll tell you right now, I'm not that excited for Chinatown or Jaws but I must complete the list.

Actually...

...I was mistaken... Apocalypse Now: Redux is the longest movie ever.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

If my dreams were real, today I could report: Newly uncovered information shows that in 1965 The Andy Griffith Show correctly predicted that Barack Obama would one day become our 44th president.

Movie Review

I just finished watching the longest movie in the world. I swear it took me longer to watch the movie than read the book. And I couldn't get over how much Emile Hirsch looks like Jack Black. It was very distracting. Not to mention the voice over by Jena Malone. She reminded me of a cross between pre-botox Nicole Kidman and David Caruso. Awful. Clearly not intended to be the more unbiased account from the book; a little too much romanticizing. Seriously Sean Penn, unclench a bit.

Welcome Spring

At last, it's over. Spring is here, or seems to be for the moment. That was a lot tougher than I expected. Here's hoping next winter will be easier. In celebration, here are some photos of my recent walk to the library...

And the World's coolest tree